Tuesday, January 29, 2013

How time changes things

I don't think I'm quite as judgmental as I used to be (I still reserve the right to judge you if you are in your third trimester of pregnancy and wearing high heels.  Show-off).

Cleanliness

Before kids:
"I will NEVER let my house look like that!"

After kids:
"It isn't messy.  It's cozy."

Fun Activities

Before kids:
"Yeah! When I have kids I'll take them to the Play Place all of the time!"

After kids:
"I would never let my children near a freaking McDonald's Play Place.  Staph infection, anyone? E coli?"
(Okay, this one still sounds a little judgy)

Germs

Before kids:
"I will not touch a snot-nosed kid for a million dollars."

After kids:
"Here, let me pick that soggy booger off you cheek without using a tissue."

Before kids:
"Wow.  Great parenting.  How hard is it to wipe your kid's snotty nose?  I will never take my kids out like that."

After kids:
"I'm serious, guys.  It doesn't stop running.  Ever."

Fashion

Before kids: 
"Really, lady?  You couldn't bother to get dressed before going to the grocery store?"

After kids:
"Late night trips to the grocery store stink!  The only good part about it is you don't need to bother to put on real clothes!  Comfortable pajamas?  I think so." (The thing is, I might get a lot of looks when I do it, but I seriously think people are just envious.)


Manners

Before kids:
"I wouldn't say it to my elders but saying 'shut up' isn't bad."

After kids:
"'Shut up' absolutely counts as swearing."
The following are also swear words which you may absolutely not say in front of my children:
fart
idiot
stupid
hate
crap
can't
snack
candy




2 comments:

Connie said...

I will never forget the time Adam came running into the house at the tender age of 5 saying "Mom, mom! Collin said a bad word. He said shut up!" lol

CaseyGirlHeard said...

This is hysterical!! And totally realistic at the same time!

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