Wednesday, February 11, 2015

I spy two kids who should not play this game.

The kids and I like playing games.  My kids especially like to play I Spy; not so much the book version, but the version where you actually look around and find something in the room and get the other people to guess.  My kids adore this game.  

My kids are also very, very bad at this game.  And it is adorable.

Juj is very specific.  She will say, "I spy with my little eye something....that plays DVDs!"  When I guess correctly on my first try that it is the DVD player, Juj is stunned.  She thinks I have magic guessing powers.  She can't figure out how I get it on the first try every time.  She loves that she can't seem to stump me.  She loves that I can read her mind.  Other gems from Juj:
I spy something that...hangs on the wall (in a room that has one picture hanging on the wall).
I spy something on the wall that you can look out of to see outside.
I spy something that makes toast.
I spy something that tastes like a peanut butter sandwich (yeah.  the answer was "the peanut butter sandwich you are eating."  Kid. Was. Amazed.  We sometimes worry about her.)

Popeye is different, though.  Here's how she plays.

Pops: I spy with my little eye something...black!

Me: The picture frame?

Pops: No!

Me: The remote control?

Pops: No!

(Insert 10 more incorrect guesses, followed by a satisfied smile from P.)

Me: Pops, I just listed every black thing in here!  I don't see anything else that is black!

Pops: (Beaming) You give up?

Me: Yes.

Pops: Juju's shoes!

Me: What?  I thought you said black?

Pops: I did!

Me: Pops!  Her shoes are all white!

Pops: (Annoyed that she has to explain herself) Well, I couldn't tell you the right color.  It is too easy of a clue and I didn't want you to be able to guess it too quickly!


Thursday, December 18, 2014

Juj

Juj is quickly catching up to Peyton with her shenanigans.

I found a mysterious pile of clothes in the middle of the living room floor.  I started putting the clothes away and when I got to the bottom of the pile I found a pair of scissors and a long lock of hair.

Me: Juj! Why did you cut your hair?

Juj: I had split ends. (Confused by my frustration) Umm...I thought you'd be happy.

Me: If you thought I'd be happy why did you hide it?

Juj: For a surprise for you to find!

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the car...

Me: Pops, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Pops: Either a Native American or a mom.

Juj: I want to be a dad!

Me: A dad, huh?  What's the difference between a mom and a dad?

Juj: Umm....one's fun?

Me: Juj! ....Which one is fun?

Pops: (Leaning over toward Juj, in a loud whisper) Don't tell her, Juj.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Once upon a time there was a princess named Juj...

Juj loves to tell stories.  They vary in length and plot but they have one common theme.  I am the villain.   Every time. Example from last week:

Juj: Mom, I'm gonna tell you a story, okay?

Me: I don't know if I want to hear any more of your stories.  You always make me a bad guy who dies or tries to hurt people!

Juj: This one is different!  Once there was a princess named Juj and a hero named Popeye.  And there was a wicked witch.  Named Mommy.

Me: See!?  I don't want to hear this story!

Juj: It is different!  You won't die or hurt anybody!  The end is a surprise!

Me: (Relieved) Oh.   Okay.  A surprise ending sounds nice.

Juj: Princess Juj and Hero Popeye were friends with the witch (Looks to me for approval.  I nod, satisfied.  Juj smiles.) But then the witch tried to turn everyone to dragons!  Princess Juj and Hero Popeye tried to save everybody but the witch wouldn't let them!  (Speaking faster)  They had a dragon eat her up and she died!

Me: JUJ!  That was a mean story!  You said it would be a surprise ending!

Juj: (Confused by my disappointment) But...I said you wouldn't die but then you did so it is still a surprise!

Now, I don't think that these stories are the kids' way of saying they don't like me, although, sometimes they probably do it to make a point.  I think it has more to do with the fact that they like telling stories about people they know and somebody has to be the villain, ya know?  It can't be their sister because they are best friends.  There is only one other person home so I am the villain by default.  Here is some supporting evidence.

Yesterday was my birthday.

Juj: Mom!  I'm going to tell you a birthday story!  Since it is your birthday, you don't have to be the bad guy!  You can be the hero, I will be the hero princess, and Pops can be the witch!

Me: Thank you!

Popeye: Hey!  I don't want to be the witch!

Juj: Please, Pops?

Popeye: I really don't want to be the witch.

Juj: (Letting out a frustrated sigh) Okay.  Sorry, Mom.  Popeye is not choosing the right and she won't be the bad guy!  You have to be the bad guy witch again.

Sigh.  Fine.  I'll be the witch, as long as we all understand that I'm doing it out of the goodness of my good heart.  Because I'm a good guy.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Sometimes a girl just needs some butter.


Image result for pictures of butter

Me: What would you ladies like for lunch?

Pops: Something with butter on it.

Me: ...Something with butter on it?

Pops: Yes, like popcorn or toast. With butter.

Me: With what else?

Pops: Just something with butter.

Juj: Is that healthy?

Me: I wouldn't exactly call it well-balanced or nutritious.

Pops:  Sometimes I want to eat healthy and sometimes I just want things with butter.  (Big sigh)  It's been a big morning.  I had to share all my things with Juj.  Can I please have it?  Mom, don't you understand?

Frankly, I don't think I have ever understood her more clearly.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

"But my underwear is CLEAN!"

Juju hates pants with an intensity that is unmatched by anyone else on the planet.  She did not take it well when she learned that pants were just a part of life.

Me: Juj, you cannot wear that outside. You need to put pants on.
Juj: But, I don't like wearing pants! You made me wear pants yesterday and the day before. I don't like pants and shorts and skirts. I like wearing no pants. Do I have to wear pants tomorrow?
Me: Yes. You have to wear pants every day.
Juj: Every day!? (Collapses and starts crying) I have to wear pants for my whole life? (Loud sob) This is the worst day, Mom! (More sobbing) I just hate pants.

She really doesn't like them.  Today Juju and Popeye got in an argument.  Pops said, "If you don't knock it off, Santa is going to give you pants for Christmas!"  Juj came unglued.

Here are some of Juju's responses to being told she needs to put on pants.

Juj: But Mom, pants give me a headache!

Juj: If you make me wear pants, I can't have freedom!

Juj: If I eat my vegetables do I still have to wear pants?

Juj: But Prince Hans wore pants!  He was so bad!  And selfish. ...Do you want me to turn selfish?

Juj: Pants will ruin my day!

Juj: Pants ruin my LIFE!

Juj: Pants will take too long to pull up after I go potty!  I'll miss everything!

Juj: But my underwear is CLEAN!  And they are on the right way!

Juj: But Mom, cold never bothered me, anyway!

Juj: But Mom, wearing pants makes me think of putting all of your candy in my pants and if I think about it then I have to do it!  I DON'T WANT MELTED CANDY IN MY PANTS, AGAIN!

Juj: But the library doesn't care if you wear pants!

Juj: Fine!  Then I'm going to have a baby and I will name him Oh, David and I will NEVER make him wear pants for his whole life!

Juj: If I'm good at the store can I take my pants off when we get home?

I still make Juju wear pants.  Honestly, though, I feel like we are kindred spirits.  I have finally found somebody who likes pants as little as I do.  She might even dislike them a little more.  I still think vegetables are worse than pants.


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Tempers, Cows, and Underwear

Juj and Popeye were in a heated discussion.  Juj lost her temper and threw a toy across the room.

Me: Juj, do you have something you'd like to say?

Juj:(scowling) What?

Me: You need to apologize for losing your temper like that.

Juj: (Exasperated) I didn't lose my temper!  Popeye lost my temper!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pops did something nice.

Me: Thank you, ya big sweetheart!

Popeye: Thank you, ya big, sweet cow!

I chuckled because I know Pops is fond of cows and she meant this as a very sincere compliment.

Me: (still chuckling) Pops, that is so sweet and it made me feel good, but you probably shouldn't call other people a cow.

Popeye: (Confused) Why not?

Me: It might hurt somebody else's feelings if you call them a cow.

Popeye: (Dumbfounded) I don't see why.  The cow is a perfectly lovely animal.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Pops has been wearing dresses a lot lately.  She got cold yesterday and pulled her dress up to wrap the fabric around her arms.

Me: P, please put your dress down.

Popeye: Why?

Me: People can see your undies.  It is inappropriate.

Popeye: But...my underwear are new.

Me: I know, but it is still inappropriate.

Popeye: (Very skeptical and snotty) So it's inappropriate?  Even if my underwear are new.

Me: Yes.

Then Peyton exhaled loudly as she slowly put her dress back down.  Guys, I swear she rolled her eyes at me.  A year ago the kid thought I was a genius who knew everything about everything.  Now she doesn't even think I am smart enough to know if it is okay to show the world your underwear.  I hear it is only going to get worse.


Monday, November 17, 2014

A Year Ago...

Again, this is an old post from last year, right before I had Caroline.  

*~*At my chiropractic appointment*~*

P: (To the doctor) You can make my mom's back go pop pop.  But don't pop the baby out of her belly.

Dr: Okay, I definitely won't do that.

P: Yeah, because it isn't Halloween, yet.  

Dr: Nope.  She still has to wait.

P: Yeah, and when the baby explodes out of her belly it will be so loud.  Like BA-BOOM! (Jumps with hands in the air).  You will have to cover your ears.  

Juj: BA-BOOM (Covers ears)

She actually thinks my stomach is going to explode.  I really thought that we had cleared that up when we had this talk.  So much hard work and it didn't even stick.

---------

In line at the grocery store P was making everybody smile.

P: Mom, you are so beautiful.  

Me: Thank you!  I think you are beautiful, too.

P: And you are nice, and that is really important!

Me: YOU are nice, too!

P: And you are strong and brave.

At this point older women were looking on with big smiles.  Popeye looked at them and continued a conversation with them.

P: My mom is strong and smart and brave and nice.  And she isn't big like a hippo, no.  There is a baby in that belly!

My cheerleader and advocate.  Love that kid.

------

P: Mom, do you have an arranged marriage?

Me: What?  No!

P: You didn't save anybody from bad guys?

Me:  There were no people to save.

P: Oh.  Did you marry my dad because you had a duty to your heart?

Me: ...Yes.

P: He's a prince.

Me: Mmm hmmm.

P: Do you think my dad is hubba hubba?

Me: Yes.

P: I thought so.  (Sigh) I hope I get to marry somebody who is hubba hubba.