Juj

Juj is quickly catching up to Peyton with her shenanigans.

I found a mysterious pile of clothes in the middle of the living room floor.  I started putting the clothes away and when I got to the bottom of the pile I found a pair of scissors and a long lock of hair.

Me: Juj! Why did you cut your hair?

Juj: I had split ends. (Confused by my frustration) Umm...I thought you'd be happy.

Me: If you thought I'd be happy why did you hide it?

Juj: For a surprise for you to find!

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the car...

Me: Pops, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Pops: Either a Native American or a mom.

Juj: I want to be a dad!

Me: A dad, huh?  What's the difference between a mom and a dad?

Juj: Umm....one's fun?

Me: Juj! ....Which one is fun?

Pops: (Leaning over toward Juj, in a loud whisper) Don't tell her, Juj.

Once upon a time there was a princess named Juj...

Juj loves to tell stories.  They vary in length and plot but they have one common theme.  I am the villain.   Every time. Example from last week:

Juj: Mom, I'm gonna tell you a story, okay?

Me: I don't know if I want to hear any more of your stories.  You always make me a bad guy who dies or tries to hurt people!

Juj: This one is different!  Once there was a princess named Juj and a hero named Popeye.  And there was a wicked witch.  Named Mommy.

Me: See!?  I don't want to hear this story!

Juj: It is different!  You won't die or hurt anybody!  The end is a surprise!

Me: (Relieved) Oh.   Okay.  A surprise ending sounds nice.

Juj: Princess Juj and Hero Popeye were friends with the witch (Looks to me for approval.  I nod, satisfied.  Juj smiles.) But then the witch tried to turn everyone to dragons!  Princess Juj and Hero Popeye tried to save everybody but the witch wouldn't let them!  (Speaking faster)  They had a dragon eat her up and she died!

Me: JUJ!  That was a mean story!  You said it would be a surprise ending!

Juj: (Confused by my disappointment) But...I said you wouldn't die but then you did so it is still a surprise!

Now, I don't think that these stories are the kids' way of saying they don't like me, although, sometimes they probably do it to make a point.  I think it has more to do with the fact that they like telling stories about people they know and somebody has to be the villain, ya know?  It can't be their sister because they are best friends.  There is only one other person home so I am the villain by default.  Here is some supporting evidence.

Yesterday was my birthday.

Juj: Mom!  I'm going to tell you a birthday story!  Since it is your birthday, you don't have to be the bad guy!  You can be the hero, I will be the hero princess, and Pops can be the witch!

Me: Thank you!

Popeye: Hey!  I don't want to be the witch!

Juj: Please, Pops?

Popeye: I really don't want to be the witch.

Juj: (Letting out a frustrated sigh) Okay.  Sorry, Mom.  Popeye is not choosing the right and she won't be the bad guy!  You have to be the bad guy witch again.

Sigh.  Fine.  I'll be the witch, as long as we all understand that I'm doing it out of the goodness of my good heart.  Because I'm a good guy.

Sometimes a girl just needs some butter.

Me: What would you ladies like for lunch?

Pops: Something with butter on it.

Me: ...Something with butter on it?

Pops: Yes, like popcorn or toast. With butter.

Me: With what else?

Pops: Just something with butter.

Juj: Is that healthy?

Me: I wouldn't exactly call it well-balanced or nutritious.

Pops:  Sometimes I want to eat healthy and sometimes I just want things with butter.  (Big sigh)  It's been a big morning.  I had to share all my things with Juj.  Can I please have it?  Mom, don't you understand?

Frankly, I don't think I have ever understood her more clearly.